I'm Single

So i made the decision and broke up with my boyriend (sexy abs) yesterday. I felt terrible while i was doing it but i think it was the right thing to do. It just wasn't really working. I kept apologising and everything but he seemed alright with it. I told him he was a great guy and i'd still like to be friends and maybe we could try again later. So yeah. I'm back on the market

I'd like to thank everyone for their comments. I'm sorry i haven't answered many of your questions. I'll try to get around to it. Feel free to ask me questions and i really will try to get to them

So Confused

I'm so confused right now. Now i'm thinking that i dont want to break up with him. God this sucks. Why cant things just be plain and simple. It ould make things so much easier. I dont even know if i am going to see him today. maybe i should just break up with him and we can try again a bit later, like after he's 18. then again i dont know

:$



In other news apparently some guy wants me to be his master so thats kinda interesting. so yeah

Sorry

First of all i want to say sorry. I realise my last post was a little vague and erratic so i'm sorry for that. But thank you for all the support. I shouldn't post when i'm in a crappy mood like yesterday.

I'll try and clear things up for you now.

I'm thinking of breaking up with sexy abs. So i've been feeling a little all over the shop lately and i just dont know how i feel about him. I mean he's nice and everything but i dont know. I dont really seem to have any sort of connection there anymore. We didn't see each other yesterday like i was hoping for which really sucked cause i was hoping to talk to him. Instead i had to bring it up with him on facebook. Which wasn't ideal. I told him i was really confused and i wasn't sure how i felt about him and us. He asked me what i wanted and i said i dont know. Then he asked me what i thought i wanted. And i couldn't answer him. I dont even know what i think i want (if that makes sense). I apologised lots of times and said i'd really like to see him today just to talk things over. I'm 80% sure i''ll dump him today but i dont know. I just feel like i'll see him and want to kiss him all over again. I'm so confused. Why can't life be easy. Another reason i want to dump him is because i thought about cheating on him the otehr day. I very seriously considered it. But i didn't do it. I dont want to be that person, i dont want to be that sort of guy. But i was more than ready for it and thats just as bad as cheating on him. I'm just so confused. Maybe i wasn't ready for a boyfriend. Maybe we've just run our natural course. God why can't things be easier. His situation hasn't helped this any either. I dont know what to do. And if we break up how do i do it. I've never broken up with anyone before. I wouldn't know where to start. He really is a nice guy and i dont want to hurt him. Hopefully we can see each other today and sort things out. Now i'm more sure that i want to break up with him. God dammit

I did talk to a couple of friends about it but thank you for all your offers. I'm still waiting for my 10 comments on my help me post but :P

Give me an oscar already

So i pulled a sickie at work again yesterday and finished at 11:30. My performance (title reference :P) must have been better than i thought because i even had the production manager and owner convinced. I'm pretty sure i'll stick out a full day today though.

I've still been thinking about coming out a lot. I've decided that sometime soon i'm just going to ring my mum and tell her that i'm gay. Then she can tell my dad. I dont think i will tell my 2 little brothers either. I dont think they're mature enough yet. Also i have no idea how/when to come out to my friends. The thing is i guess i dont really have any super close friends. I also have different groups of friends. I have my uni friends, Who i dont think i'll ever tell. I know them and they're nice but i dont think they'll accept it. the thing is i see them everyday so :$. I also have my friends from high school. i dont see them as often as i'd like but there are a few of them down here. I'd really like to tell my friend james first. I'm probably closest to him but i dont know how he'll take it. Well i have ideas and i'm pretty sure he'll start by saying WTF?!. I also have my gay friends who i've met through manhunt so i dont need to tall them. Anyways, i'll keep you updated.

i wanked three times yesterday but i think thats acceptable because i was super horny. i'm not going to say where stuff went but it was very messy.

I'm pretty sure i'm going to see my boyfriend this weekend. He seems really up for it and my house is going to be empty all weekend (thank you Big Day Out). I told him to let me know when he's available and we'll do whatever he wants to do. i also told him that if he comes over he should bring his speedos so we can relax in our kiddies pool (i also want to see him in speedo's *blush*).

i also want to give a big shoutout to Aaron from beautifool chaos. He's not blogging at the moment but he's still around. When i started blogging i certainly didn't expect to find anyone else in brissie. Well i've been chatting to Aaron a bit and it turns out he works at the uni i attend. he's pretty nice too. I suggest you go read all his old posts. He mentioned the other night that he might come back to blogging so keep an eye out for him. Also he found me on an internet "dating" site the other night but i didn't know it was him. I wont tell you what his user name is but i will tell you that he has some nice pictures. From what i've seen.

Also, I've been trying to help out my friend bronco. He's been having some guy troubles lately so i've been trying to keep him in a good mood. I told him that i used to have a little crush on him and he said he used to have a little crush on me. This took me by suprise because i never thought he was interested. What can i say, i'm bad at reading signals. Anyways, i still kinda have a little crush on him though i like sexy abs much much more.

Well thats what has been happening. Sorry its a bit all over the shop.

P.S. I have slept a little better lately. I have the fan beside my bed on full bore and i might have slept naked once or twice (thanks Dzyan ;) ). Anyways. That's me

I forgot a title

So i woke up really early again and tossed and turned in bed for about an hour before actually doing anything. I faked sick at work today and got home at about 1.30pm. I really just didn't feel like working. Anyway, I'm getting kinda excited because i might be seeing my boyfriend this weekend. I haven't seen him since the 20th of december so it's been nearly a month. I can't wait. i just want to hold him in my arms and spend time with him. Our relationship has been pretty tame to this point as we haven't really done much. Probably due to a lack of opportunity and place. Anyways i'm really hoping that everything comes together and i'll see him and his sexy abs.

In other news we're back to the summer weather in brissie. The flies are out in full force and it is meant to be above 30 degrees celcius all week. I dont mind it now but if it gets up to above 35 i will not be happy. I kinda wish i had a pool right now.

Pleasant Suprises

So i had a bit of a crappy sleep last night and woke up at 4.30am this morning. Now i usually wake up early but even that was a bit early for me. So i decided to fill in my time by reading some blogs. I was pleasantly suprised when i found out me and my blog had been mentioned on a couple of other blogs. I didn't expect it and it made me feel pretty good. The fact that someone likes my blog enough to mention it on their blog is pretty awesome. So thanks to Dzyan and the other blogger i can't remember (let me know if it's you). It was a very nice suprise.

Another pleasant little suprise happened the other day. A guy (not my boyfriend) called me a stud. Now this isn't a word i'd associate with myself, and if you saw me you'd know why. I'm not at all studly. I'm tall and gangly and awkward and i have no muscles. But anyway, it was a good suprise. We were chatting online for the first time just talking about ourselves to each other. And he said i sounded like a stud. I was like, you're just being nice. And then he said No, you sound pretty perfect to me. Now i dont know if he was just being nice or if he actually meant it but it made me feel pretty good about myself.

I'd like to thank everyone for their comments as they're pleasant little suprises too. I probably make my brother sound worse than he is. I'm sure he has good qualities within him somewhere. Thanks everyone

And i just remembered that today i found out i was born in the chinese year of the horse and this year is meant to be really good for me. Lets hope it's the case and this year gets better

EDIT: The other blog was But Time Makes You Bolder so thanks for that

Random Picking Up and my boring day

So I thought I should do a proper post instead of just the youtube videos. As i'm writing this i'm talking to my friend bronco (though he doesn't know i'm writing this). Some guy just hit on him in queen street mall the other day and now they have a date for tomorrow night. Can you even imagine that. For starters there is no way i'd be brave enough to talk to a hot, cute stranger while shopping. Also i wouldn't consider myself a great flirter. I dont think i've ever been hit on (well maybe once). It's probably cause i'm not that attractive (and dont listen to sexy abs cause he's biased). I can't even imagine what i would do if it actually happpened. I'd probably be a little freaked out. We're also talking about New Years Eve and the fact i drank a whole bottle of vodka. No hangover, no vomit. I didn't even feel drunk. It was kinda awesome.

Anywho

I had a relatively boring day. I realised this morning that i have to stop wanking so much. I really do it too much and its not good. And i take a while to cum as well so it takes up a fair chunk of my time (and not to mention my internet downloads).
Went to work, wasn't a great day. Though i did learn something new which can't hurt. Came home and made a honey, sesame and garlic stir fry for dinner. It turned out better than i expected. I wouldn't say i am an exceptional cook though i do alright. I can do some things really well, like roast. I make a really good roast dinner. The last one was roast kangaroo or maybe it was roast pork, i can't remember. I can also do a pretty good carbonara and some other stuff. My brother and his girlfriend got me the masterchef cookbook for christmas. Which if you seen it is completely pointless. I dont think i'm ever going to make slow cooked pidgeon or roast half pig head (these are seriously some of the recipes).so i made my stirfry and sat down to watch my one of my favourite shows, How I Met Your Mother. It was a repeat but still a good episode. Thats pretty much my entire day. All in all it's relatively boring (although work had some interesting points, there's so much sexual innuendo it's not funny).

So thanks for reading and i'm sorry for rambling. I always want to do proper grammar and punctuation in these things but I kinda forget about it once i start typing. Like I just did with the capital I in the last sentence. :)



OK so one more video can't hurt. I love HIMYM

Yes!!

So I got two new followers AND my first comments today. Which means that someone has actually read this blog. Yes!! *high five*
Anyone can leave a comment for me or ask me a question and i'll try to give you a good answer. I might even do a whole post about it :P

In other news...
~I started back at work today which was alright. The boss is on holidays so my friend is in charge which is good. It means it's a little more relaxed.

~My brother has decided to stop being so cunty and is moving stuff out of his old bedroom. Its still full of crap but at least it's a start. Probably wont be able to move in till next weekend though. The room is kinda disgusting and needs a good clean.

~Bought season 3 of 30 Rock but i still haven't got round to watching it because my computer is a mega-bitch. I'll watch it eventually. I got soo many DVD's for christmas as well so i guess i should watch them at some point too.

~Didn't get to see sexy abs on sunday which was kinda dissapointing. We were both at the same shopping center except he was shopping with his mum. He's not out so i didn't want to push it. It could have been awkward. We did have a good chat on msn later that night though.

Thats all i can think of for now. thanks for reading

P.S. Go and read the blogs of my two new followers. One of them is even newer than mine

So...

So I got up this morning and I was all for writing another post. But now I dont know what to talk about. I have so much stuff going around in my head it's not funny. Where to start...

I've been thinking about christmas and my family a bit. I'm totally the favourite grandchild. My mum's mum loves me. We spent nearly four hours driving in the car together (i picked her up and bought her home for christmas) and I learnt all the family secrets. She thinks her twin sister is an alcoholic. She hates one of her other sisters. She hates her daughter-in-law (my aunt). She hates my little brother. She hates Kevin Rudd and Anna Bligh. We talked about politics a fair bit which we've never really done before. She has gone a little crazy lately but i still love her.

My older brother is pissing me off. He's just so annoying. I live with him and our other housemate has just moved out. So his girlfriend is moving in (not her biggest fan). So the two of them have moved into the main bedroom with the ensuite. And I want to move into his old bedroom. Mine is currently next to the loungeroom/kitchen his old room isn't. But i cant move rooms cause all his shit is still there. I asked him to move it and he was like i'll move it when i get time it's not like anyone new is moving in. And i was like i'm moving in there. And he just said i can't do it now then sat down in front of the TV. GAH!!! I'm thinking i should just get all his shit and dump it in front of his new bedroom door. He wouldn't be able to get out that's for sure. He also has no sense of my privacy and uses my computer which pisses me off endlessly. I hope he doesn't find this blog.

Sexy Abs
Me and my boyfriend had a great chat on the net last night. It was the first time we'd really spoken for 2 weeks seeing as i went home for christmas. we sent the occassional text but my reception wasn't great so we couldn't really talk.
Anyway, We had this rather deep conversation last night and i got kinda emotional. Now i'm not really an emotional person. I'm not someone who cry's a lot. In fact i can't remember the last time i cried. So we were talking about his 18th, which lead to us talking about sex because we can't have sex till he's 18 (I could however go out and find some random chick his age and have consexual sex with her. Thanks a lot for your discriminatary laws QLD government).So 18 is the legal age for sodomy in my state so no sex till he's 18.
Back to my story
I was like have you thought about sex. with me. and he said yes then asked me the same thing. And I said yes. And he asked me what i had thought about. And i told him i had thought about him and his body and lying there in each others arms. And then i said I thought about you fucking me. Now this is a big deal for me and this is where i started to get kinda emotional. I told him that i've never felt this way about anyone else and that he was really special. And i've had sex before but it wasn't really romantic and i've never been a bottom before and i've never really thought about anyone fucking me but i want you to fuck me. And i told him i felt like crying, good tears, because i've never really done anything like this before. and he was like if you want me to do it i will. Because i love you. i told him i would be right back. I had to go away and compose myself. I didn't cry but i thought i might. I came back to our convo and i was like sorry for getting emotional i hope i didn't scare you. and he said it made him feel special and just love me even more. It made me so happy.Then i was like i dont mean to sound rude but you know it wont happen till you're 18. Not that i dont want it to but i dont want to get in trouble. And he said he understood. Then the mood lightened a bit and he said you never know i might be really crap. And i said i dont care. You're my boyfriend and i love you and we'll have a great time when it happens.
Hopefully i get to see him today. We've been going out for just over a month and i've only seen him twice in that time. Is that wierd??

Thats all i can be bothered to write about now i've but i've been thinking about lots of other stuff too. Like coming out, How much my computer sucks, Avatar and lots of other stuff.
Sorry for the spelling/punctuation/grammar and sorry for rambling. Then again i'm pretty sure no one reads this so i'm apologising to no one.

At The Movies

So i've been on a little bit of a movie watching spree lately. In the past couple of weeks i've seen more movies then usual so I thought i'd tell you what they were like (it's my blog I can do what I like :P).

Samson and Delilah
A great little australian movie that came out this year. It's won some pretty big awards too. It's the story of Samson and Delilah. Delilah looks after her elderley grandmother who makes art which later gets sold on for thousands more than she was paid. Samson sniffs petrol and loves delilah. She resists him at first. Later on they both get beaten up for different reasons and they steal a car and escape to the city. I liked this movie but it's not for everyone. There isn't much speaking and lots of it is in an aboriginal language.

The Invention of Lying
Don't bother. A average movie thats not terribly funny. Not bad but not good either.

Zombieland
Great. You should go and see this movie. It is hilarious. I went with sexy abs (we were kinda dissapointed that the cinema was so full). He had no idea what it was about and he was laughing.

Avatar
Wow. This movie looks amazing. And it's not one of those cheap 3D movies where they just have things flying at you for no reason. I had a bit of trouble with my 3D glasses though. Every so often things would bo a little fuzzy or out of focus. I wonder if other people had the same problem. I kept my glasses as a souvenier. I paid for them so why not. Thats them in the picture. They kinda make me look like i'm from the blues brothers (i should watch that movie again).
Anyway go and see avatar.


Next up I really want to see Where The Wild Things Are or Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs. Is it weird that i'm a 19 year old guy that wants to see an animated kids movie

Being Lead On

So this happened to me a while ago but I decided to mention it because of recent developments.
Now i'm sure everyone has been lead on or lead people on. I'm probably guilty of leading people on myself. But what annoys me is those attention hunting whores who string people along on purpose, for fun. Playing and toying with people's hearts. They're bastards.

So a while ago this guy called DJ was trying to talk to me online. I turned him down for a couple of weeks due to things/people in my life. Anyway, I eventually decided to give him a go. He was really nice and charming and interesting and I was infatuated with him after not long. So we talked a fair bit about lots of things. Mainly to do with him because I seemed to have to drive the conversation. He was very charming and we talked about dating and lots of other stuff and we set up a time to see each other. I was really looking forward to our date but he cancelled on me (my general rule is you only get to stand me up once. If you stand me up a second time i'm going to move on). Apparently he was sick so I forgave him. We talked later that day. The same time our cancelled date would have been. He was still very charming and nice. Although I did say if you dont want to meet me just tell me and i'll leave you alone. To which he replied I didn't say i wanted to meet you I said I wanted to date you. Charming right.

Anyway we organised another date for the day after my exams finished. I couldn't wait for it and he knew given that my msn screenname was "I cant wait for the ......."
So we kept talking but he was really busy with work so we didn't talk for about a week before our planned date. I sent him many messages and and even an email or two but got no replies. So I finished all my exams and the day of our date came. And I sat at home waiting to hear from him. NOTHING. I was ready to rip him a new arsehole. I didn't hear from until about 2 o'clock that day, when he was online on facebook. GAHH. I was so angry and I let him know. He had excuses though and I kinda forgave him a bit.

Sidenote: I had told some of my internet friends about DJ. My friend whom I shall call princess (more about him later) had warned me about him almost immediately, even though he (princess)lives in Melbourne which is thousands of kilometers away. In hindsight I probably should have listened to him. DJ had also added one of my other friends on msn a little while after we started talking. My friend, whom shall henceforth be known as PhD, had let DJ know that he knew me from the beginning. My other internet friend that plays a part in this story shall be known as Bronco. He doesn't come into this story till later on.

So DJ had excuses and I forgave him a bit, stupid in hindsight. So I continued to start conversations with DJ but they were kinda awkward. After a while I got annoyed with it and came to the conclusion that I wouldn't start conversations with any guys. If they started them I would, of course, talk but I wouldn't be the persuer.
So the last time I talked to him was in late november. We talked about his work and if he was having fun on the coast (where he was working) and some other stuff. But then I got annoyed with him and stopped starting conversations.

END PART ONE...