its all over, for now

Lets start off with my thought of the year (i heard it somewhere but i cant remember where).

Those that mind, dont matter.
Those that matter, dont mind.

Can i just say, i'm so glad this week is over. I've spent far to much time at uni this week and all my mid-semester exams are finally over. Thank god. I've spent the past six hours at the uni pub and i've had a little bit to drink so i should sleep well. OK, i've had a fair bit to drink, but i can handle my liquor so i dont feel to bad. So i'll finally get a good nights sleep.

Hope everyone is alright. I really like answering questions so head over to my formspring thing (link on the side). Leave a comment if you want to or whatever.

P.S. Here's a video

ANZAC Day

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, or the years contemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them

Lest we forget

So the 25th of April is a big day in Australia and New Zealand and many other countries around the world. In australia it is a day to celebrate our diggers (war veterans) and current serviceman and women. The 25 of april was the date when the ANZAC's landed at gallipoli in world war 1.

Today if one of the first years where i havent been to an anzac day service. It's a little sad for me. Usually i would attend a service, i've presented wreaths at services and i was even a flag bearer for one service but this year i am in brisbane instead of at home. So i am watching the gallipoli dawn service on TV. I must say Quentin Bryce gave a wonderful speech at gallipoli and i would really like to go to the gallipoli dawn service one year.

I'm going to fail, again

I feel like my head is about to explode. My back is killing me, i cant concentrate, i cant think.
I'm going to fail this exam tomorrow, for the second time. I just cant do it. I know i need to calm down and relax but i cant.

Fuck, i need a distraction

here are some answers from my formspring. I answered one question today and now i have nothing else to distract me :(

The question i answered today asked my major. I'm doing a bachelor of engineering majoring in civil.

Here are some old questions i've answered.

Now that you've deleted your MH profile, are you finding that you're finding more quality dates?
I havent had any dates since i deleted manhunt. I dont think i'll be getting any dates any time soon but i'll let you know if i do.

Hey buddy, I just noticed I haven't asked a question in awhile, so here goes... What does it take to get you to go on a date with me? Should I just ask, email you, IM you or wait for you to make the first move?
Just ask (email and IM are fine too). I'm terrible at making the first move

have you had a one night stand and is there any bloggers you would have a one night stand with
Yes i have had one night stands but i dont want to do that any more. And if i had to choose a blooger to have a one night stand with i guess i'd have to go with Charlie from Cool Charlie Loves His Life. I dont really know that many bloggers.

If you want to see more just click the link to the side. I'll probably still be in the library feeling like i want to cry.

Uni Sucks

Uni is so crappy at the moment and i'm over it. I have an assignment due wednesday, a test on thursday, and another 3 assignments on friday. GAHHH!!!

In other news i have old english cheese and pickles on my subway (i dont normally) and i liked it. Also i think i saw Ed, my fellow brisbane blogger, but i dont think he saw me. I've also taken to sketching people in my classes when i'm bored. Apparently i go alright.

I hope your day is going better than mine

Love Lost and others

So we're going to start off with a bit of a movie trailer. The movie is called Tomorrow, When The War Began. Now i'm excited for this movie because it is based on some of my favourite books of all time. Go read the whole series if you have the chance (i think there are 7 books) because they are brilliant. After reading these books i briefly entertained an idea of being a writer (i still kinda do). So i'm really hoping this movie is good and doesnt deviate from the book to much. The basic idea is a group of teenagers come back from a camping trip and find that australia has been invaded so they become guerilla soldiers. That really doesnt do the books justice because they are so much better than that. Anyways, here it is.



And now for some music. I couldnt get all the songs i wanted (friend in the field by art vs science) but i do like all of these songs. And yes i know some of them are a bit old. Some of them have really great film clips too.















And finally a clip from one of the greastest bands. Powderfinger announced there split recently and they are such a great band and from brissie too. Here is one of there recent songs.

Rambling Romantic Rooster

So it's been about a week since i posted and it's been a bit of a rollercoaster for me. I'll try to tell you everything that's been happening so i might ramble a bit in this post.

So last saturday i went out clubbing with some friends and some people i kinda know but not really. It was the first time i had seen james since my coming out to him. So i went over to this girls (friend of a friend) house for pre-drinks with everyone. After a while we caught a cab into the valley and we went to The Family. It was my first time going there and i was suprised i got in. It's a pretty nice club but it was kinda dead. I managed to dance up a bit of a storm, badly, but it was fun. After a while we left and went to possibly the best club in the entire of brisbane, The Embassy. Ok so that last thing was a personal opinion but it is a favourite of me and my friends and we usually end up in there at some point of the night if we go out clubbing, even if we dont plan to or say we wont. Also when i use to go out on friday night they had $10 jugs of cocktails which probably explains my fondness for a fruit tingle. Also i love fruit tingles (the fizzy lollies). WOW. So i got a bit sidetracked there but to cut a long story short i went out, had a good time and my sexuality wasnt mentioned once and james seemed fine with me.

So on sunday i woke up early as usual and kinda lazed around a bit and it was very relaxing. Also i dont really get hangovers so that is good.

So i'm not sure if you know this but i am a hopeless romantic. I am a huge romantic even though i dont really have any romance in my life. If you've been reading dans blog (Daily Dan, there should be a link on the side) lately you'll know what i mean when i say i wish something like that would happen to me. It just sounds so great and amazing and i wish him all the best. Also i saw this video on sunday afternoon i think and i thought it was so sweet and it made me well up a little and i wish something like this would happen to me.



Now i have to admit that i dont watch ugly betty. Actually i dont even know if they show it on tv anymore. They use to show it on channel 7 but i havent heard about it for a while.

Anyway, at the start of the week i was feeling depressed. It sounds so silly now. I was having problems with my mum again which seem to have cooled off for now but we'll see. Also i was having a bit of trouble with being single. I know it's stupid but i just want someone to want to be with me. Not just for sex and that. I just want some guy to wrap his arms around me and hold me and want me for me. I know it sounds corny but i've never really had that. I dont need a boyfriend but i think it would be nice.

So i've had uni this week and a fair few assignments and want not. And i've got exams coming up. At least i dont have to worry about work now. so normally i would have worked tuesday afternoon but seeing as i quit i had it off. Lately i have been thinking about going to the queer room at uni (it's actually called the queer room). Anyway, it's just a room for gay, lesbian , bi, trans, etc, etc students
and i think it's where the gay support group meets (or whatever they're called). So i decided that i would go and have a look on tuesday. I was so nervous it felt like my first time going gay clubbing all over again (my heart was beating so fast and that was just at the thought of going). So i walked up the stairs to the room. And i got to the top. And i turned around and walked back down. I chickened out and walked back down the stairs. It was just a room and i couldnt even go in. so i went back to the enginnering library and sat on the gound and hid in my little corner. I just couldnt do it.

Hmmmmm. What else has been happening.
I went to the indian returant down the road with my older brother and his gf the other night. It was my first time there and it tasted really good. However, i dont think i'll be eating indian again. Lets just say i dont think my toilet would appreciate it.

I got a nice message from james the other night saying it was good to see me on the weekend. I'll probably see him at some point this weekend.

My league team lost tonight which sucked but they're still towards the top of the ladder. They've won 4 out of the 6 games this season so hopefully they can keep it up and make the finals. At least they're doing better than the other queensland teams.

A big shout out to princess cause he's awesome.

I heard this song on the radio for the first time in a whil the other day and i remembered how much i liked it, actually how much i like most of her songs. Give it a listen. I think it's pretty good.


Actually i've been hearing a lot of good music lately so i might need to do another music post. Yves Klein Blue, Temper Trap, Bluejuice, Art vs Science and as much as i dont want to admit it i kinda like the new brian mcfadden song.

Anyway that's about it. Long and rambling as promised. I hope it makes sense. If you have any questions dont be afraid to ask, i wont bite. So leave a comment or ask a question on my formspring page (if you wish to be anonomous(link to the side)). Hope you're all well.

P.S. I just remembered DJ spoke to me briefly this morning. it was the first time we talked in months and it was brief and awkward. I dont think i have any feelings for him what so ever.

ALSO: lots of love to charlie cause he really is amazing and he was there for me this week when i was down and he helped me so thank you.

My Big Gay Easter

This post was originally going to be longer but i just couldnt be bothered. I think interesting is the right word to describe my weekend.

Well i guess it started when i came out to james. If you dont know what i'm talking about go read my last post. It's called parkinsons (i'd do an in-text reference but they never seem to work for me). So someone said my michael j fox joke wasnt funny. It wasn't really a joke. It was the only way i could describe myself at that point. I was shaking so much i was having trouble typing and i couldnt control it.

So i went to see my family on saturday. Hung out with my little brothers and just had fun. On sunday my mum had organised a family lunch and a family dinner. before lunch she called me into the laundry and asked if i was going to come out at lunch (she pretty much forced me out). Anyway. I said no, i'm not doing it with an audience. And she was like dont you want us all there to show them that we support you (them being my 2 little brothers) and i said no. So we had lunch and it went well. Later sunday afternoon my sister came to talk to me. She was like when are you coming out and i was like i dont know. And then she was like it's not right for us to have to keep this secret from them, you have to come out, It's why we're all here. I was like, first things first, we're here for easter not for me to come out. Secondly i didnt realise my sexuality was such a hotly discussed topic and my 2 little brothers talked about it often. Then i kinda just walked away. so we had our family dinner sunday night. My sister says our family is like the one on brothers and sisters. Apparently they just have big family meals and sit around and bicker. It does kinda sound like us.
Everyone had just gone to bed on sunday night so i got up and went into *little brother 1*'s room. I sat on his bed and i said i have something to tell you. I'm gay. And he was like no you're not. And i was like yes i am. And he was like what/how/when/etc. He also asked if i had a bf and who else knew. He was getting kinda loud and still didnt really believe me so i left and went back to bed. I could hear him in the hallway and my mum came out and she came to the doorway of my room and she was like why did you do it like that i organised two family meals so you could do it. And i was like i'm not doing it with a fucking audience now turn out the light i'm going to bed. And then my mum made my brother say he was alright with it. She's like that's all he needs to hear.

So i went to bed and didnt get a lot of sleep but whatever. I woke up monday morning and went to the loungeroom and little brother number 2 was there (he's only 12 no 11, hence the different tone with him). So i sat down on the couch next to him and i said *little brother 2* do you know what being gay is. And he said it's when boys like other boys. And i said *little brother 2* i'm gay, are you alright with it. And he said it was my choice. And i asked if he had any questions but he said no.

So later that morning my mumcalled me into a room and got up me. She wasnt happy with the way i came out and she was like you went in there shouting that it was ************** and ************* and spiteful (i cant remember the other two words but i definately remember spiteful. I was like there was nothing spiteful about it. I went in and sat on the bed and told him i was gay. He didnt believe me so i left. Athere was no shouting and nothing spiteful about it. And then she was like when are you going to tell *little brother 2* and i was like i told him this morning and the n she asked how he took it and then she started talking about her parenting and i just couldnt take it so i left. She was so annoying all weekend and i told her that. She was like what makes me annoying and i was like you know how some poeple are just annoying for no reason, well that's you. So i left early-ish monday morning and came back to brisbane.

So that was my big gay easter. Sorry it took so long to post, I hope it makes sense to you. I was definately an interesting weekend. Hope your easter was good. Comments/questions/etc as per usual.

Parkinsons

So last night i came out to my friend james via facebook chat. I was shaking so much i looked like Michael J Fox (title reference), I'm still kinda shaking now. Here is the relevant part of the convo. (i've taken out some names to protect the innocent)

Tommy
my social life is alright. Went to the uni pub with some friends last night. Had a good time. Saw ****** and ******** and one of the **********. had some "words" with some college cunts

hey can i tell you something

James
fuck yea sounds choice bro, what happened with these "words"?? anyone have your back? go on..

Tommy
the words were just silly. I wasnt overly involved it was more my friends. one of my friends knocked a full jug of beer over one of the college kids and they got riled up. it was like 15 angainst 3

James
lol fuck man that sucks. what'd u wanna tell me?

Tommy
i'm gay

James
what?? since when lol

Tommy
lol

James
r u serious??

Tommy
Yeah
suprise

James
wait a sec tommy now lets talk about this...i dont need to know details or anything but like when did u decide this? cause i thought u liked the ladies lol
just cause u might not be a ladies man doesnt mean u wont get any ladies

Tommy
its not that james
i'm still the same person
you're born this way

Ummmm
hope you're alright with it

James
i know that but its kind of a shock. I'm not gonna tell anyone if u wanna keep this between us but yea. well sir ian mckellan is gay and he's one of the best english actors ever

Sidenote : I love that he thought of ian mckellan and he said sir ian. Also i'm nearly in tears (and shaking) while i'm writing this and i dont know why.

Tommy
lol
thanks james
you're the first friend i've really told

James
who else knows?

Tommy
my family knows but yeah
some people i've met in brissie

James
yea? what'd they think

Tommy
ummm
they were ok
i'm going to tell *little brother 1* and *little brother 2* this weekend
if you have any questions just ask

James
r u sure they need to know?
does *older brother* know??

Tommy
yeah
*little brother 1* and *little brother 2* are the only ones that dont know
*older brother* toook it suprisingly well
he was really good about it

James
really lol
i thought he would have been a cunt about it

Sidenote : I really dont use the word cunt a lot

Tommy
me too
but he doesnt seem to mind
and he helped my mum with it as well

James
hmm ok so now you're out of the closet now what? is this like a decision you made or just what u felt?

Tommy
coming out is a decision i made

James
so is it that you don't like women or just that you like dudes?

well I'd still like to think you were the same guy cause i dont wanna have to act like you're a different person

Tommy
i'm still exactly the same person
its not like i'm going to catch a limp wrist or anything

I'm missing a tiny bit of the convo here. Guess i forgot to copy it from facebook to my messenger window (thanks for your help charlie). He said something about my limp wrist joke.

Tommy
dont worry
are you alright with it

James
yea like i can handle it...its just a shock man

Tommy
sorry

James
im trying to process it lol

Tommy
yeah
i understand

James
dont be fucken sorry dude, being who you are isnt something to apologise about, that pisses me off when u have to apologise for being yourself unless you've truly offended someone or done something horribly wrong

Tommy
thanks
if you have any questions dont be afraid to ask

James
ok so...if you were in a club would u be looking out for hot guys lol or what? you've seen zack and miri make a porno right??

Tommy
yeah i've seen that movie
i liked it

Sidenote : Not exactly sure why he bought up that movie but i did like it. I think i need to watch it again

James
and the first question?

Tommy
ummm
i probably wouldnt be looking for anyone
but i'd recognize a hot guy

James
ok then well...are you attracted to women? I'm just trying to figure out if you're really meant to be gay...like not saying its not ok I just wanna know what is going on in your mind exactly.

Tommy
i'm not really attracted to women at all

James
ok so do you wanna end up with a guy as a partner then?

Tommy
i havent really thought about it that much but yeah, i guess so

Sidenote : I figured saying that would be better than saying i'd love a boyfriend to fuck me senseless

James
well you know saying that you're gay is a fucken big commitment mate like I don't take it lightly, and I really think you'd have to know that to go ahead and say it. Like everyone has a few gay thoughts every now and again but it can't just be some phase that you're going thru. Like if u changed your mind and decided that you were straigt then you would have just fucked with everyones minds.
But as long as you're sure this is right for you then I'm happy. Did u talk to anyone before you made this decision?? Because its not like getting a sex change where you have to be psychologically proven to be a woman trapped in a mans body you know.
But i think you're mature enough to have made the right decision tommy, but everyone gets confused about things...
not saying u are man

Tommy
if its a phase its been going on for quite a while

James
ok then so when?

Tommy
i understand your concerns james

James
I just want whats right for you and if thats being gay then so be it. I just don't want it to change the way I think about you...which it shouldnt but yea I can just imagine if the rest of our friends knew I dont know what they'd think like they can be pretty fucken shallow sometimes

Tommy
yeah
i thought you would take it the best
and you're probably the one i'm closest to out of everyone

James
true that

Tommy
so thats why i told you first

James
fair enough well theres no point hiding it man, because it would only make it worse, I think I'm starting to accept it now lol. Like I don't think its a big deal man

Tommy
thanks
i'm still the same person i've always been

James
thats right...like out mates arent that shallow when it comes down to it they're pretty understanding but initially they'd be shocked i suppose

Tommy
yeah
i figure they'd get over it eventually
if they dont it's there problem

James
yea they would
exactly
well man I'm getting pretty tired after all that thinking i thing i need to hit the hay

Tommy
thats alright

James
i'll catcha later mate

Tommy
indeed
we'll catch up soon

James
yea man should be good I was just thinkin we needed to hit the town again soon

Tommy
i know
i havent been clubbing in ages

James
fuck yea well in the next month u will!
but until then take it east bruss

Tommy
lol

James
easy
lol

Tommy
you too

James
Night man

Tommy
lol
night

So that was it. Overall, i think it went well. I guess we'll see how he acts when i see him next.

Hope you have a good easter

Weekend in Hell

Wish me luck. So i'm going to see my family this weekend for easter. It should be fun given that my mum hates me at the moment. I'm also probably going to come out to my little brothers. So yeah. I've been up and down lately so we'll see how it goes.

I had an interesting night last night. Went to the uni pub with some friends. Kinda came out to one of them. dont think he heard me though. Got into a disagreement with some college kids. All college kids are cunts. At least the ones i've met. So yeah. Got a week off from uni and shitloads of study to do.

Hope you have a good easter