Saturday, March 20, 2010

KINKY!!!!

And my terrible choice in guys continues. I dont know what it is but i seem to attract the wrong guys. All i want is a nice guy who is sweet and charming and wants me as much as i want him. Instead I get crappy ones. Let me use a list to demonstrate.
~The guy that had a boyfriend i didn't know about (until i found out in the worst possible way)
~The guy that said he would rape me
~The guy that was ignoring me, but apparently not ignoring me, who's now gone back to ignoring me after saying he doesnt want a boyfriend, only friends with benefits
~The guy that wanted to train me as his submissive
~The guy that wants to spank and cane me while i am in a school uniform (i'll admit the schoolboy fantasy could be good but i dont know about the pain)
~The guy that wanted me to dominate him
~The guy that was into pain, humiliation and puppy play (i was like oh, fuck when he said tasers)
Not to mention all my other failures such as phil and awkward silence guy (so they're not really bad guys but they didnt turn out the way i had hoped either).

I dont know what it is but something about my manhunt profile must scream kinky. I dont know what it is, but it must be there. I just attract kinky guys. But here's the thing. I have to meet guys on the internet, to start with at least. Like i can't meet gay guys by accident or anything, it just doesn't happen.
Case in point - I'm talking to phil the other night and he was like guess what happenned to me the yesterday. I was like what. And he said, the guy behind me in a lecture the other day passed me a note saying he liked my pants and asking where i got them and we kept passing notes back and forth and he asked me to add him to facebook. I was like that would never happen in any of my lectures. And i mean it, i can't even imagine that happening in my classes. It was like bronco and the random guy in queen street all over again.

And the other day i was at the uni bar and i saw these gay guys (i dont have a very good gaydar but i think it was a fair guess). Now i would never even consider going up to them and just talking. Or anything like that. I just couldn't do it. If they started talking to me i might have a conversation but even thats not for sure.

So yeah, the moral of todays rant is i suck at being gay.

And now for some explaining on the last post. Yes it was a letter to myself. It didnt exactly come out the way i had planned in my head but it was a good idea at the time. I wasn't having a go at anyone with my first paragraph. It was just a little joke about how i hadnt been asked any questions. I know i have readers and i know people leave comments and i'm very grateful for that. I was trying to look at my life from 2 different perspectives and i thought it would be a good idea to know how i was feeling so i could come back and look at it in the future. So in like a year or something i could see how far i had progressed. That's all.

As always comments are appreciated. If you want to ask me anythign the link is on the side. Have a good day

8 comments:

  1. I would have to say my favourite part is:
    'i suck at being gay.'
    Hehehee, I think i almost wet myself.
    You dont suck at being gay, iam sure you suck quite well, thats why you are gay.
    Dont let your lack of social confidense get you down.
    As ive said before, its the preconceptions you have about yourself thats holding you back, let it all go and just go for it.
    You have nothing to lose because if you had have spoken to those guys at the bar, you may have made a couple of friends, but you will never know because you simply didnt do anything.
    -Princess xxxx

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  2. i was the one telling you to go to the gay networking group on formspring. the thing is, i empathise with you to the point of frustration. understand that these groups respect those in the closet types, aka, you. if you make it clear you are in the closet those people norm will ensure you arent outed and whatnot. what happens in these groups are normally plans for gay events and every so often a very deep talk abt issues. this is the type of release you need. atm your path is unhealthy and it shows. i only got one friend from my uni group and if tht how it pans out, so be it. man up bud. even you have to be tired of your excuses.

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  3. i get what u mean, Tommy and for the longest time, its the same with me. u just have to be patient.. i know its painful but.

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  4. You can't suck at being gay. YOU are at least putting yourself out in the open looking for a bf. I would never in a million years do that so I think that is pretty good

    I get the feeling it is going to be hard for you to find a guy on this Manhunt site

    Good luck anyway
    Ethan

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  5. Tommy, being out is tough at first. But you've made a lot of progress since I started reading you a few months ago. I don't know how to help you feel more comfortable with yourself at this stage. Obviously, Manhunt isn't what you are looking for. It seems to be mostly a sex site, I think - never been there. Maybe Charlie has some friends that you can meet - friends of a friend are often quality people. Sorry that I don't have more help. You can email me if you want to talk.

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  6. I'm like agreeing with soooooo much written in your comments... like ditch ManHunt... the source of many of your problems... get out an make friends first... the old fashion way... you know like talk to them...

    Yes G&P is write friends of friends are good.. but since most of ours (we do have a lot of common acquaintances) dont know either Tommy or me are like gay... this is like a problem... lol

    YOU HAVE COME A LONG WAY SO FAR... the rest of the year will have ups and downs... but overall.. IT WILL BE GOOD...

    Yeah I can’t resist either... you suck at being gay... mmm... that’s not what I’ve like heard... lol you like suck pretty gooooooood... lol

    Charlie

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  7. I agree with the non sexual parts of Charlie's comment

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  8. Thanks guys. Yeah charlie and i do know some of the same people but i gont think i can go to him for friends of friends. I think i'll have to hang out with phil some more. As for the sexual parts of charlie's comment. He wouldn't know :P

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