Thursday, February 11, 2010

Men and friends and valentines

I have never had a valentine. Its true. I'm 19 years old and i've never even recieved a mystery card. This year i will be spending valentines day with the family. I'm going back to see them for the first time since i came out. So i'm kinda nervous and i dont know what will happen. I'm hoping nothing because both my little brothers will be there and neither of them know. But i do know that i wont be staying up late to watch tv because then i will have to talk to my mum, and yeah.

I also went out last night with friends from uni. It was good to see them again and i had fun. We went to the fox for a couple of drinks then we went to the down under club in the city. It was just nice to spend time with them socially and talk about crap and feel like one of the group. However, i wont be coming out to them any time soon. In reality i probably wont come out to them ever. They're nice people but i dont want to spend the rest of my uni years alone. I dont think they'd take it well.

Work has been so dead lately. We have pretty much nothing to do which means crap jobs like cleaning for me. But we always have really great discussions at work about lots of different random things such as horses, gambling, sport, politics, religion, sex and the law. The other day we were talking about prince charming syndrome. One of the girls at work suffers from prince charming syndrome. She's old fashioned and she expects some rich, handsome guy to come and sweep her off her feet. Its just not going to happen. This lead on to us talking about marriage. Now this really got me thinking. I mean will i ever find a guy that loves me and wants to be with me forever? Would we even be able to get married? Do i even want to get married? What would our wedding look like? Does one of us have to wear white? Work was boring so my mind just kept wandering. I've never really thought about marriage before, I mean i dont even know if it will happen. I need to meet a guy first i guess.
P.S. I dont suffer from prince charming syndrome. Its called being realistic.

Lately i've been talking to more guys than i usually do. Some of them are really nice, including the guy with the eyes, some of them are just after action. I dont see it happeing soon but i'd really love a boyfriend. Someone to snuggle with and keep me company, not just sex. One guy seemed quite intereste in me but i dont think the feeling is mutual. He seemed very stereotypically gay. Which i dont really go for. I guess i should talk to him more though.

Also a big thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. If you havent left a comment but have some advice go back and leave a comment. Lets face it, i need all the help i can get.

Thats all :P (sorry it was a bit all over the place)


  1. I know it's trite advice, but you've a much better chance of finding someone if you come out. No guy is going give your a valentine if they think you're straight! Uni can be a great time socially to be out. I know, you're doing engineering, not music or arts or something, but you'll be surprised how much acceptance you get. You might lose a few friends, but you'll gain a whole lot more!

  2. its true, odds are three-fold when you come out. ive never had a valentines anon and you know what, WHO CARES? im pretty sure valentines day is just an initiative blown up by women such as the damsel/princess at your work. its the same as celebrating halloween here in aust, just another great "holiday" hype. you dont ever celebrate love on one day, you fulfil that everyday.

  3. I agree that being out makes finding gay friends and a boyfriend much easier. But you are the only one who can determine when the time is right. Have you thought about telling your younger brothers? It's hard when part of the family knows but you're keeping it from others. It makes conversation difficult, if everyone has to watch what they say. But maybe you don't want those conversations with your mom yet.

    As far as marriage goes, I certainly hope that it will soon be legal in Australia. As someone who got married in 2008 after being together for 17 years, a same sex wedding can be whatever you want it to be - big, small, traditional, unique, etc. And no, no one has to wear white. That's one of the good parts about it, there's no expectation of what the wedding should look like, so you can do whatever you want.

    Regarding your last post, I forgot to mention position. One way to be sure that the first time is slow is for you to squat or knee over the other guy's penis. It does make getting the penis into your anus more awkward, but that way you control the penetration and can stop or slow it down if you need to. Just a thought.

  4. Hello. I have only recently started reading your blog. I like it. Is it really so intolerant at your school that if you come out your life would be so bad? What has been said is true about real friends will stick with you and new friends will come to you. However it is up to you alone to decide what is best for you.

    As for the best way to have first anal sex. As a top who once in while is a bottom for my partner I recommend you do loosen up your butt with a finger first, use lube to help and relax. As for position, I suggest you lay on your belly on the bed with your butt arched up. This allows your lover to more easily enter and to control his entry to help you. You can relax as you need to or melt into him by pushing up to him. On entry push out just a little with your butt, and take a deep breath, It may be uncomfortable at first, but after a few strokes it becomes pleasurable, and sometimes the first time can be painful, but don't arch you back and clench your butt, that will make it hurt. Instead arch your butt up to him. Wish I could help you more, but it is something that is different with each person, depends on how you are built and your lover is built, so many things. Best of wishes on this.

    As for marriage, I wish you the best. While it is not legal for us to marry where we live, my lover and I have been together almost 20 wonderful years. When it becomes legal we will do it.

    Best wishes and warm thoughts.


  5. I was also curious what you meant when you write "He seemed very stereotypically gay" LOL

  6. Here's what i meant when i said stereotypically gay. He's a hairdresser, He use to be a dancer, He occassionally does drag. There were a couple of oter things too. Now these dont really bother me but they're not what i usully go for


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