Sunday, May 30, 2010

A Milestone

So this is my hundredth post. I'm a little suprised given how little happens in my life (i think writing about eurovision is the start of my downhill slide). So i figure i should do something a little special for my hundredth post. I was going to do facts about me but i dont think i could even get 50 let alone 100. So i've decided to do a hundred things in my room. I'm going to try and stay away from some obvious things, but you'll know i'm struggling if i start counting individual pens to my list (i probably have a hundred pens in my room anyway). Also i'm cleaning my room while i write this so dont be suprised if the list lacks some sort of cohesive order.

1) Curtains. Now i know i said i'd stay away from obvious things but i'm going to put this on the list anyway. Mainly because my bedroom doesnt have a door. It has a curtain hanging in the doorway and it's not really the best option for privacy (it's a shear curtain) But it's better than nothing.
2) Australian flag cape thanks to Tooheys New
3) Whiteboard
4) Wall Calendar (#3 & 4 are meant to help me be organised)
5) Giant Poker chip (it's yellow and worth $500. It's made out of foam and i got it from the EKKA)
6) Giant red fluffy dice (also from the EKKA, what can i say, I was good at that game)
7) The Behaviour and Design of Steel Structures to AS4100 (3rd edition)
8) Soil Mechanics and Foundations (2nd edition)
9) Calculus (6th edition)
10) Reinforced Concrete Basics : Analysis and design of reinforced concrete structures
11) Thermodynamics : An engineering approach (6th edition)
12) Mechanics of Materials (7th edition)
13) Engineering Fluid Mechanics (9th edition) (In case you didnt realise items 7 to 13 are textbooks)
14) Childhood money box, currently holding 17 cents in 1 and 2 cent pieces
15) Moneybox, I actually use this one atm so i'm not sure how much is in there. It depicts the building of the ANZ headquaters in Melbourne (and i'm not even with ANZ)
16) Mouthguard, from my AFL days
17) Tape Measure
18) Swiss Army Knife
19) Mobile Phone stand ( a christmas gift from a family friend, you can put a picture in it too)
20) All 7 Harry Potter Books (none of this vampire shit :P)
21) Stress ball in the shape of a lego block
22) Stress ball in the shape of a hard hat
23) Stress ball in the shape of a construction cone
24) Stress ball in the shape of a football
25) Queensland Pride magazine, which i picked up for free from uni
26) Grass (yellow plastic) Skirt
27) Lai with shot glass attached
28) A sketch i did in 2005, It's a bit dusty and dirty because it's just been lying around. It's on a canvas though.

29) Beanie from my time at the AIS
30) Coffee Cup that i got from my highschool
31) Halogen Lamp (the light in my room is up to shit)
32) The first 3 seasons of 30 Rock on DVD
33) I'm not sure of its actual name but i got this thing from japan. It's like a head and you're meant to put a dot in it's eye (it represents a goal) and when you complete the goal you colour the rest of the eye in. I use it as a paper weight sometimes.
34) Travel Scrabble (even though it's impossible to play while traveling)
35) The Kabuki Bookmarks, also from japan. They're really nice too.
36) Don't tell mum i work on the oil rigs, She thinks i'm a piano player in a whorehouse. This is Paul Carter's autobiography and it's a brilliant book. I should read it again.
37) Punishment (Anne Holt)
38) The Storm Prophet (Hector Macdonald)
39) The Charlemagne Pursuit (Steve Berry)
40) The Secret Cardinal (Tom Grace)
41) The Last Assassin (Barry Eisler)
42) The Lost Symbol (Dan Brown) This one was a gift, I probably wouldn't have bought it.
43) Christopher's Ghosts (Charles McCarry) I really dislike the ending to this book.
44) Uncollected (Paul Jennings)
45) The Arthur Triology by Kevin Crossley-Holland
46) Mortal Engines (Philip Reeve)
47) Books By Daniel Silva, I currently have 7
48) Batman Alarm Clock. My sister gave this to me the other week because she wanted to get rid of it. I need to buy batteries for it.
49) My old school Sony clock radio. It's pretty good
50) Soap on a Rope. I won this playing Golf a while back, hence why it's in the shape of a golfball. I cant bring myself to use it.
51) Red Glitter
52) 3D Glasses
53) Keyrings. I have so many keyrings it is not funny. I think i have 13+ different keyrings. It's quite a collection.
54) Layards. I have a lot of lanyards too. I dont know where they all came from. Well i do but i dont know why i still have them, sentimental reasons i guess.
55) The Chasers War on Everything DVD, episode 1 to 13 of season 1
56) Napolean Dynamite
57) Ace Ventura Pet Detective
58) Ace Ventura When Nature Calls
59) Shaun of the Dead
60) Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers box set
61) IronMan
62) Stewie Griffin : The Untold Story
63) Batman Begins
64) The Dark Knight
65) Bad Ass Comedy Pack (pineapple express, superbad, step brothers)
66) Hot Fuzz
67) Pineapple Express (yes i have 2 copies, no i dont like it that much)
68) Semi-pro
69) Blades of Glory
70) Burn After Reading
71) Idiocracy
72) The House Bunny
73) Lock, Stock and two smoking barrels
74) Borat
75) Bad Santa
76) Dodgeball
77) Psycho (the hitchcock one)
78) Sunscreen (handily attached to a dog clip)
79) First Aid Kit (also handily attached to a dog clip, it's a small first aid kit)
80) Card and Dice Games (N.A.C. Bathe)
81) A tap (that's right, just a tap. It's not attached to the wall or anything. It's just a tap currently sitting on the end of my bed. It's not usually in my room.)
82) Butter Menthols
83) My old jogproof CD walkman
84) My friends tennis racquet.
85) Paintings. I have two paintings in my room that i did recently. I'm not going to show them though because they didnt turn out like i wanted.
86) Paint ( i only have the basic colours)
87) Paint brushes. I have 4 different ones
88) 1 Blank canvas (it's not a big one though).
89) German notes (my mum gave me these today. I guess i'll try and start learning german after my exams)
90) Old Birthday/Christmas cards (can you tell i'm starting to struggle).
91) The invitation to my senior formal
92) Post-it-notes, a lot of post it notes
93) Pedestal Fan
94) My old mp3 player
95) My watch (which i always forget to put on)
96) Pens, I have over 40 different ones
97) So Fresh ; the hits of summer 2007 plus the best of 2006 (disc one). I never really bought CD's
98) Adult stuff ;)
99) Free Diary from uni, which i always get with the intention of using but it never happens.
100) HOT NAKED MEN(I wish)
100) Photos of me. I have 6 photos and all of them were taken on the night of my formal.

So there it is, my hundredth post. A big thank you to all my followers and anyone that has read my blog. According to my analytics my blog has been viewed in over 43 countries (just over 40% of the views are from USA). I've also answered about 30 questions on formspring. I love answering questions (hint hint) so you can head over there and ask me some more if you want and read all my answers to the questions i've been asked so far.
A couple of things that i learnt while writing this post. I'm a little disappointed in the books i have given how much i love reading. I wish i had more and i wish i had more of my favourites there. I do have some more books but i would really like a whole library (sort of). The same deal with my dvd's too. I love movies. Also i guess i unofficially collect keyrings even though i dont buy any.
As always i welcome any comments or suggestions you have. I hope everyone is good and i hope i didn't annoy anyone too much with my talking about eurovision. I think i might have.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

I could be having my stomach pumped at the moment : Eurovision part 2


A trio of women from croatia. They're just sitting on a park bench in their fancy dresses. What's with the short dresses with trains. Can you tell i know nothing about fashion. I'm really not sure if i like this song. And why did they have to bring out thiose back up dancers. and the wind machine is on again. WTF the dancers are throwing stuff at them. LOL, PhD just called them craotian milfs singing rock ballads (we're talking online).

And another female. This time from georgia. With shirtless male dancers. These ones dont look that good though. And they're wearing mascara for some odd reasaon. like lots of dark eye makeup.Wind machines and a money note and a key change all at once. And pyrotechnics. Thank god i'm not drinking.

Final song for the night from turkey. An emo rock band. Actually i think they're more goth. They've got some weird robot back-up dancer. A female robot apparently. Who is amputating her robot lobster arms with a grinder. I'm not joking. They've got pyrotechnics and everything. It was alright.

Lol. The host just said thank you churkey. I'll be alright as long as the netherlands or slovenia dont get through. They're recaping. I like lithuania. I've just realised the israel guy was showing some serious man cleavage. They must waste a lot of energy on that wind machine. Actually i dont like switzerland either. Swedens a maybe. I like this song from cyprus more now. Georgia was quite good too.

Omg they're doing a medley of the worst songs of eurovision. God some of them are bad. I'm liking armenia's song more and more and i dont think i want to. and i dont mind romania either. I really cant hear that song from the netherlangs again. I really dont like it. Hmmm the chick from azerbaijan is only 17. Countdown time. Voting is closed. Yayy. I'm really not that excited.

WTF is this. There's like some weird beiber-esque kid and all these people making weird noses. I'm so confused right now. And now they're hip hop dancing. W T F

And now they're talking to fans from australia. geez. The australian guy just called the netherlands song very special. LOL.

And now they're reading the results. Georgia makes it through. Ukraine gets through too. Gee they like to draw it out. Turkey. A little bit of a suprise. I guess they werent terrible. Israel makes it through :D . Ireland gets through. Not sure i would have picked them. Cyprus makes it through even though i dont think any of them are from cyprus. Azerbaijan gets through. Only three more countries get through. Romania. I like that song a bit. How the fuck did armenia get through. I really hope lithuania gets through. :( Denmark makes it through. Oh well i guess i'll have to watch the finals. Which i think is tomorrow night. I'm a little disappointed at the moment.

I think i might watch the movie that's on next. It's about bettie page.

If only i was drinking : Eurovision Part One

So welcome to another boring look at my boring life. As per usual i am sitting at home, alone on saturday night. Apparently my friends are all drunk at the moment, but i wouldnt know for sure seeing as i havent got replies to my texts. An invitation would have been nice even if i cant really go. I'm going to see my sister tomorrow and the rest of my family will be there so i have to leave pretty early in the morning.

So at the moment i am watching eurovision (semi final 2) and i'm incredibly bored so i'll probably just talk about that for a while (no iron chef this week either). I hate these hosts already. But julia zemiro is fun.

First up tonight is lithuania. They're playing air instruments. lol. Ok so the song is pretty good but their perfomance is pretty funny. And what the hell are they wearing. LOL. they just pulled off their pants and they are wearing silver hot pants. So funny

I should really do my eurovision drinking game from last week.

And here's armenia, making sure she's showing lots of cleavage. Pyrotechnics. And more pyrotechnics. I dont like this song. Who names a song apricot stone. And whats with that weird dancer. and more pyrotechnics. Geez her hair is long. And there's a money note and a key change. I could be totally smashed right now if i was doing that drinking game. Ahh the apricot is the national fruit of armenia. That makes a little sense then.

Israel, and the song is called words. He's pretty cute. For some reason that suprioses me. He's singing in hebrew and sounds pretty good. I cant understand any of it though. Money note. This guy is welcome in my bed anytime. and another money note. He was pretty good.

And now for denmark, apparently singing a break-up song. This song sounds really familiar. They sound pretty good. The guy reminds me of bon jovi. Actually he reminds me a little of the guy from aerosmith (who's name completely escapes me now). And there's a key change. I could be vomitting in the toilet by now. And a wind machine.

And now some guy from switzerland. He looks pretty gay. His haircut is similar to the cute guy in my structural lectures. Pyrotechnics again. I should say the cute guys hair is more longer and a little different but you get the idea. More pyrotechnics. Whats with those weird back up singers. And more pyrotechnics and a wind machine. And more pyrotechnics. That wasnt so great.

They're showing that israeli guy again. He's stunnning. And one of the lithunia guys is pretty hot too.

And now for sweden. She reminds me of taylor swift a little. That guitar looks huge. Where the fuck did the guitar go. It just disappeared. And now the wind machine is going and we get a key change. Is she wearing converse shoes. You think she'd get a little more dressed up. Ok so the song is pretty good.

And now for azerbaijan. WTF is she wearing. it's like a mini with a train or something. And she's got a glove, a la mj. Drip drop drip drop. The male dancer looks ok i guess. Wind machine, and she's on her knees. And her dress lights up.

Ukraine now. She's dot a hood on. She looks weird. And sounds pretty different. Crank up the wind machine. So i'm pretty sure her dress is see through. I actually dont mind this song. That was pretty tame for eurovision.

And now for the netherlands, with a song written by papa smurf. I'm not kidding you. Holy Shit. I dont even know how to describe this. I'm literally lost for words. If it ends up on youtube you have to watch it cause i dont know what to say. It kind of reminds me of the circus (even though i've never been)

And now back to the dodgy hosts. Lol. thanks norwegian josh thomas.

Dueling pianos with romania. The song is called playing with fire. So of course we start with pyrotechnics. They're not even proper pianos. I think i like this song, Should i be ashamed. What the hell are the backup singers wearing. That was a really high note. And there's the wind machine.

And now for slovenia with popular folk rock apparently. WTF!?! Its like they put 2 completely different songs together. They cant possibly get through. I dont think i've ever seen an electric guitar and an accordian played next to one another. The rock guy is channelling bon jovi a bit too.

Hmmm. Ireland with a previous winner. Apparently she's not feeling well. This chick is pretty good. The song is a little slow for me but it's still good.

Bulgaria now. i can tell this is going to be proper eurovision before it even starts. And i was right. He has angels. And buff male dancers. They look like they're wearing glad wrap. Ahh. White clothes and weird dancers. It's like textbook eurovision.

Cyprus. Jon lillygreen looks cute, and he's only 22. Although i still prefer israel. This song is nice. And there's a money note. Ok so the guy is actually welsh but he's singing for cyprus because of some rule they have.

I love this boost ad. Tickle me silly love biscuit.

I've just realised how long this post would be so i've decided to split it.

To be continued ...

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Dont read this, it's not worth your time

So i'm currently sitting in my geotech lecture waiting for it to start. Right at the back so i can escape if i get too bored but i'm going to try and sit through the whole two hour lecture. I figure i should do a whole lecture before the end of semester. So Queensland won last night. Like we knew they would. Game 2 is in three weeks and will be in brissie so hopefully they can wrap up the series. I wont be going to the game because tickets sell out in like half an hour or something ridiculous. I'm going to be playing tennis tomorrow with some friends from uni. Apparently court hire is free for a couple of hours or something. It's been ages since i've played tennis. I dont even have my tennis racquet in brisbane so i guess i'll have to hire one. I've found a great new way to procrastinate. There's this game called qilox. It kinda reminds me of pacman, i'm not sure why. Everyone should play it, it's a little addictive. We're 15 minutes in and we still havent started the lecture. We're filling out TEVAL's but i havent really been to enough lectures so i'm not going to do one.

So we're learning about landslides and stress in retaining walls. If i keep commenting on the lecture i'm pretty sure the only person that'll understand it is charlie. Although he's much smarter than me. So we're talking about water levels in soil and capillary forces and water pressure, etc. But be the great multi-tasker that i am, i just set a new high score on qilox.

Ok so this pretty attractive just walked in late and sat right next to me. I pretty sure he cant read this. Which is good cause i'd probably die if he did.

And now we're learning the bishop method. Seems interesting. Calculates the safety with the equilibrium of the moment and because Pi (that's P subscript i not 3.14) goes through the centre of the circle it doesnt contribute to the moment.

I have lots of study to do before my exams. And now it's time for a break. I really need to stop procrastinating. I'm pretty sure i procrastinate my procrastination. Thats how much i've been procrastinating lately. I've just been lacking a lot of focus.

I should probably go because my friend is heading my way. Sorry if you read this crap

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


So it's hot guy day at uni today. For some reason there always seems to be more hot guys on wednesdays, i dont know why. I had a structural lecture today. Had a quick look at the cute guy in my class. He had a haircut, but his hair still looks quite gay. And he was sitting with all those girls again. He has way to many female friends to be a straight engineering student (does that make me sound stalkerish). Still havent spoken to him and i dont really plan to. I have an assignment due at 4 this arvo which i had completely forgetten about and therefore havent started. It's a participation kinda thing so i'll chuck something together and hand it in.

Tonight is state of origin and we all know queensland will win, again. They're going for 5 straight series in a row which has never been done and lets face, NSW has nothing. Although they might be a dud or two in the maroons they're still going to beat the blues. On another note, former sexiest man in league matt ballin is making his debut for queensland tonight. So not only do we have the best team but we have the best looking team too. I'll probably be at home watching the game by myself (not in 3D either). I think my brother is going to his friends place and i have no idea what his gf is doing. So yeah. Guess i should start this assignment.

P.S. State of origin is rugby league and it's kinda a big deal

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Bigger than the money

I stayed home from uni today because i'm pretty sure i have the flu. My brother is being a massive bitch. My mum is worried about me and i'm pretty sure i'm going to fail all of my exams.

And now to reply to a comment on my last post. Manhunt is scary. And gay people wonder why they get stereotyped as sluts. I've had so many offers for sex it's not funny. However i'm respecting myself and i've decided to block the guys that just want sex. Hopefully i'll come across some guys that dont imediately talk about sex. I know manhunt isnt the ideal place to meet friends but i know there are some good guys out there and it's all i can deal with at the moment

Saturday, May 22, 2010

I'm Sorry, I Really Am

I'm so fucking bored at the moment. And just so you know i'm telling the truth. It's currently 8.45 on saturday night and i'm watching a history of eurovision. A history of fucking eurovision. Where the fuck is my ironchef, it's like the only reason i watch sbs. Well that and the softcore porn (if you live in australia you'll know what i mean). Anyway, thats my little rant.

Ummm. I've decided i need to wank more because it will lessen my chances of making bad/rash decisions

I have to interupt this to say WHAT THE FUCK. They have Les Murray singing a song in italian. He's a fucking football (soccer) commentator. OK so he wasnt half bad but what the fuck is with this show. I want my iron chef. I like reading subtitles on a saturday night.

Sorry for the rant.
Ummm. More wanking.
My new housemate has already moved out

Oh. Eurovision drinking game
drink if the singer winks
drink if the singer drops to their knees
drink if the singer shows partial nudity (abs, lots of leg, etc)
drink if a wind machine is used
drink for a key change
skull for a money note (like the big long note)
skull for pyrotechnics
there were some others i missed

ok it's an ad break.
So i'm going to wank more
umm. back to 3 people living in my house
There's a guy that works at the engineering library that reminds me of norman bates. it's freaky.

I cant believe they have bjorn again on. Actually i'm pretty sure you can bet on eurovision. Apparently germany, armenia, slovakia and latvia are looking good

God some of these songs are crap. Although some pretty interesting stories. One portugese song in the 70's was used as a sign to start a political coup, apparently. And riverdance got big after being there.

Oh Adam Richard. Such a flaming queen. Still fun though. Hey Hey it's Slutterday

jesus christ. What was celine dion thinking. I dont know if its on youtube but go look at her perfomance. I dont know what to say

God eurovision is gay

god this song is bad (greece 2002)

Apparently a transexual from israel won one year. who knew

holy shit is that a man or a woman . what were you thinking serbia. I think it's a man

at least there are hot male dancers. I want the one on the end (the younger one).

I would sincerely like to apologise if you read this. I told you i was bored and you've just wasting your time reading this (but i did apologise in advance). At least if you get bored in a weeks time you'll have a drinking game, although you'll probably be drunk by the end of the first song

So the singer is actually from australia but she was singing for england back in the day

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Photodissociation and Photoionization

Photoelectrochemical processes usually involve transforming light into other forms of energy. These processes apply to photochemistry, optically pumped lasers, sensitized solar cells, luminescence, and the effect of reversible change of color upon exposure to light.

The title of this post is taken from a book i am sitting next to in the library and the definition comes from wikipedia. I really know very little (none) about these two processes but i thought it was kinda interesting. Not exactly a light reading book.

So at the moment i am sitting in the library and the library is trying to give me frostbite. Seriously, i dont know what it is but the library is always freezing cold, even in summer. And we're coming into winter now which makes it even worse (although it's a really nice day today).

I know my last couple of posts have been boring but that's what you get when you have a boring life like me. Here are some little tidbits from my day

I got my first offer for money on manhunt since i signed back up. I politely declined. I'm a high class escort, for politicians and athletes :P

Some other guy wanted me to fuck him. I politely declined that offer too. Although being tall is good, apparently.

There's an attractive guy that works in the lolly shop at uni (just so you know)

I couldnt stop looking at the cute guy in my struct lecture today (i've talked about him before). I dont think i was too obvious and he was on the other side of the lecture hall. Although i did see him close up outside after the lecture. His arse looks phenomenal (i only looked briefly, i swear).

I'm beginning to like the drunken noodle at uni less and less. They stuffed up more order yet again. I'm pretty sure they've got it wrong more times than they've got it right. Although i did get a really nice chicken roll from there today so i might just go there for them from now on.

Me and my friend were listening to his ipod during our rather boring 2 hour lecture (the same one with the cute guy, who was in a yellow shirt today, so i sound more stalker like). Back to the ipod. Let's just say i havent heard S Club 7, Shania Twain, Beastie Boys, Aqua, Cher, Ace of Base or Status Quo for quite a while.I think we may have annoyed our third friend a bit.

I passed both my mid-semester tests with varying degrees of success. It doesnt make me any more confident with my finals though. What kind of idiot decides a final worth 70% is a good idea, let alone four around that same size.

For some reason this song was in my head all morning

I've also realised that i'm nearing my hundredth post so that'll be coming in the near future. I'll have to think of a good way to celebrate, something interesting to post anyway.

UMMM hope everything is well with you

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

my return

I'd just like to say what a wonderful job i have done at procrastinating today. Well i still am procrastinating, otherwise i probably wouldnt be writing this. Not that i havent tried to study, i have. It's just that my lecturer has one of these voices that makes you want to sleep. It must be his accent or something. At least i know if i ever suffer from insomnia i'll be able to go to sleep.

So i was up at 5 this morning and my day at uni was meant to start at 8. Although my day at uni didnt start at all (there were legitiment reasons). But i only had 2 lectures today so i'll watch the recording of them when my focus returns to me. That being said it is one month until my exams. That's not a lot of time.

Also i have rejoined manhunt. Probably not the best idea in the world but i figure i can handle it better than last time. Also i think that i really do need some gay friends. People that i can hang out with and be myself and be comfortable. I'm not going to be doing random hookups or anything. I'm definately sticking to my no action unless i have a bf thing.

As for the coming out drama from my last couple of posts. Ummmm. I've decided i'm not going to lie. Not that i have been, but i havent exactly been open. So if someone asks me if i'm gay i'll tell them. I guess if i do need to tell someone i could tell my friend (the one on my side in our pizza discussion the other night ). He's quite vocal about his opinions and supports gay marriage and everything so i think he'll be fine with it.

So for wasting your time if you read this post

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Can you be happy and sad at the same time?

Two things before i start my proper post
1 - Jessica Watson is amazing, i nearly cried when she got off the boat. I only hope i can fulfil some of my dreams.
2 - One of my brothers friends is going to be moving in with us. It was kind of a last minute thing but i dont think there will be any problems. I kinda know him but not really so we'll see.

Now for why i'm writing
I've spent far too long sitting in my thinking corner today (that would be the shower, for the uninitiated). Unfortunately i didnt come to any real conclusions. I was thinking about my "friends" and coming out. Umm yeah, probably not the best thing to be thinking about, i'm probably going to drive myself crazy. Where to start. I guess i think of myself as being out, but at the same time i'm not (if that makes any sense). So far i have told my four siblings and my mum and james. So i have come out to 6 people, well thats not really true. I have come out to other people but they were guys i've met on the net so it came with the assumption of liking guys. So i came out to them but i dont think that counts, it wasnt a big deal and they already knew i liked guys. Also a lot more people i havent come out to know i'm gay. Like my mum told my dad as well as one of her oldest best friend, who then would have told her two best friends, i'm assuming (her two best friends are a gay couple). My older brother told his gf (who i'm assuming has told some other people). He has also told one of his closest friends (i've only recently found this out) apparently his friend replied by saying is that meant to be news? Maybe i do give off a big gay vibe. My sister told her financial spouse (her boyfriend). I'm assuming his family knows to due to the fact that his sister is a lesbian, apparently. Also i'm pretty sure my old housemate knows. As for james i dont know if he's told anyone and i dont really care. And that's just it, i dont really care if anyone knows i'm gay but at the same time i do. I think it's the actual coming out i'm scared of. Like how to actually do it. I've gone over a million different scenarios in my head and none of them turn out well for me. i'm just worried about my uni friends. I mean i still have about 2 years of uni left and i see this same small group of people everyday. i really dont see it turning out well for me. I'm sure some of them will be fine with it but others wont and i figure that that will put me on the outer. I mean i was sort of last to join the group and i hear less than brilliant words reffering to gays and i just dont know. I know i shoudnt care about what people think about me but i cant help it.
My latest idea for coming out is to make a short youtube video saying i'm gay than post the link on facebook (i'm pretty sure i've seen every coming out story that is on youtube). I dont know if that's the best thing to do though. It's just another idea to add to my list which will probably never get used. I just ... This is meant to be the happiest time of my life and i cant even be completely honest with myself. I dont know how these young teenagers coming out on youtube can be so sure of themselves.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I need new friends

So today i felt as if i suffered a bit of a setback. Earlier this evening me and a few friends went and got some pizza from the pizza caffe at uni. We got to talking about politics (no one wants tony abbot to be prime minister) which lead us to talk about gay marriage. To cut a long story short two of my friends are very anti-gay. One more so than the other but it's still not good. They compared homosexuality to beastiality and peadophillia. I asked when they chose to be straight and on of them said i was born that way, normal. So they think it's unnatural which isnt great for me. One of them is all for gay marriage so thats alright but the other two arent. I guess i wont be coming out for a while yet.


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

D&M : An Abridged Version

This past weekend was mothers day so i went home for the weekend. I had a great time and my weekend included an unexpected d&m (deep and meaningful) with my mum and sister on Saturday night. I started writing a full recount but i got over it so I'm going to do an abridged version. Mainly because my memory isn't brilliant and i tried telling this story to charlie and did a terrible job at it.

SO, here are all the important points from my deep and meaningful with my mum and sister.

As always we start with my mum talking about me being unhappy, having no social life and doing badly at uni (in her opinion). She thinks i should change degrees and mentions environmental engineering and (surprise, surprise) town planning, for the millionth time. My sister recommends environmental science cause one of her friends is doing it and it's really easy and you get paid shitloads (my words not hers). I politely tell my mum I'm never going to do town planning and while I've so far enjoyed my environmental courses i don't want to do environmental engineering because 1) i don't think my uni offers it and 2) i feel it will be restrictive and if i do civil i can move in lots of different directions. My mum tells me some story about how my sister hated uni for ages but one day she rang her up and said i know this is what i want to do and she says all she ever gets me to say about uni is "its alright".

My perfectionist sister talked about her "mini breakdown" she had the other day and after that she decided to write a to do list of things she wants to do (obviously). Some of hers matched up with things i want to do so here is my list;
1) I wish i could speak a second language. Me and my sister have decided to try and learn German. We chose German cause we've both learnt a bit before (although she's much better than me) and i figured it would be easier to learn a language based on the alphabet instead of something like japanese or mandarin where we'd have to learn completely new characters.
2) I really want to buy the complete tomorrow, when the war began series by john marsden (I dont really have time to read them at the moment but i still want to buy them, something to do on the holidays).
3) Get back into my art. When i was younger i use to love painting and drawing. I may not be brilliant but it was fun so i might go and buy a canvas some time soon. Cause it's good to have a hobby.
4) My sister mentioned something about going to a cooking class and i mentioned that i was thinking of buying a cookbook seeing as the masterchef one i have is up to shite. They're kinda the same right?
5) Travel around the world
I think that is the end of my list. My sister had more but i think 5 is good enough for me. So that little conversation led to my mum and her "to do" list. My sister mentioned how my mum use to write all these funny little short stories. And my mum says when we were younger she really wanted to replace pat mcdermott?? from the womans weekly (womans weekly is a magazine and that woman has a column where she writes about funny things that happen to her family, she has 5 kids just like my mum) and that she has always wanted to write a book. She told us her ideas for her book including the pseudonym she would write under (it was kinda obvious but a little funny). My mum then mentions that lately she has been thinking about writing a book about me, my life from her perspective. This makes my sister cry and she says that she would be so proud if my mum actually did this. This makes my mum tear up a bit and my mum says she'd write books about all of the kids. I say but mine would be first and that's all that matters (its a joke). To be honest it did make me well up a little and she had a title for it and everything. We both told my mum she should write a book if that's what she wants to do. She works far too much and hates her job and has lots of holidays owing so she could do it. My mum says she wouldn't know where to start if she were to write a book about me. I say how about you start with the story of how i use to reming you of my dad's dad when you use to nurse me to sleep at night (he died unexpectedly from a brain aneurysm in his forties, before my parents were even married). I tried to tell the story to charlie but i did a terrible job at it so i wont repeat it here. My mum didn't know i knew this story but i overheard her telling one of her friends on the phone one day (not sure how that topic came up). So my mum tells the story to my sister. She also talks about my birth and how different it was from my siblings and she almost gave birth to me on the floor because she didn't know she was in labor with me and i was such a placid baby. She also talks about how i use to have tantrums when i was about 2 where i would sit at the end of the hallway and just hold my breath until i turned blue. I kinda gave my mum a hard time. This then leads to me talking about her father. I mention that i know that i remind her of him and i say the only thing i know about your dad is in primary school i had to do a family tree and you told me to put him as deceased (my mums dad isn't talked about in my family, ever, hence why i think me looking like him isn't a good thing). My mum tells me she hates family trees. My sister says did you think he was dead all this time. I say i suspected he was alive but i don't know. My mum says he is deceased. I then ask her if he is dead. She says no. I then ask if she and her brother are full siblings or only half siblings because for a number of years i have suspected that they were only half siblings because one Christmas my mum said something about her brothers dad being there. And me being younger got a little confused seeing as my mum said her dad was dead. I should point out that i have only ever known my grandmother as a single woman. So it turns out one of my grandfathers is still alive.

We also talked about my sexuality. My sister asked me what my type was. My response was old guys with grey hair, around the age of sixty. Then i was like i don't know, i guess it depends on my mood. then my mum and my sister were like who do you think is hot and they were naming people like hugh jackman and paul mcdermott and I'm like i don't know, why are you picking old guys. And my sister was like well we watched the logies the other day, name a young actor you think is hot. I had real trouble thinking of one but eventually I'm like, i guess lincoln lewis is alright. And my sister was like so you like the buff surfie type. Can you tell it was incredibly awkward for me. Something about being around my mum and my sister stifled my homosexual desires. My mum also asked if i was bi and i said i dont know. Then we got to talking about my sex life, which was incredibly awkward. I was just staring at my game of freecell on the laptop the entire time (i won three games so yay for me). I told a little lie and said i had only been with 3 guys. I told her about my first boyfriend, honestly. Saying that we went out for about a month (boyfriends for all of 2 weeks) And we did things but not full blown sex. She was disappointed in me. Disappointed that i didnt wait longer. My sister told me that mum was disappointed that she didnt wait longer with her boyfriend (they've been together for over 6 years now). They kept asking about the other 2 guys but i didnt say anything and my sister realised it was awkward for me so we moved on. I actually think this bit came before the bit about the to do list but i cant really remember. Also my littlest brother (he's nearly 12) was around for a bit of this but i think he left before we talked about my sex life.

Somewhere in here we talked about me moving out of home (in brisbane) as well (i've never lived with anyone who wasnt family and i wouldnt mind experiencing it at some point) and the fact that my brother is annoyed with me because i dont have a job even though i probably spend more time on my studies then he does at work.

So that was my d&m with the females of my family. Given the length of this abridged post i bet you're glad i didnt do a detailed one. What can i say, it was a long talk. If you want to say anything leave a comment.

P.S. my mum talked to me a bit sunday morning and said she was reading about drop out and failure rates for engineering and she said i was doing really well and she was proud of me but i should try to have more fun. I also noticed she started writing the story she wanted to but i didnt read because she said not too.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Big Jet Plane

My life is pretty boring at the moment so here's a video. I really like this song.

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