Thursday, January 21, 2010

I Sit Here Crying

At the moment i am sitting here crying. I have just come out to my mother and i cant stop crying. I dont even know why i'm crying. We were talking on the phone for the second time tonight and it was just the usual stuff. We talked about money and cleaning the house and uni and it went around in cicles a bit. She told me that i need to have a social life and she's worried i'm not happy and everyone says its so hard to talk to me and she says i never tell anyone anything. And i just told her i was gay. and she said are you serious and i said yes. And she said ok. She said it she wasn't suprised and she'd expected it. The thing that seemed to worry her the most seemed to be the pornography. Well not even the pornography but me looking at the pornography. About a million times she said i need to stop looking at pornography otherwise i might click on underage picture and i'll be branded for life. I'm like i'm not that stupid it wont happen. She asked me if i'd been a "relationship". i knew what she meant and i said yes but lied a bit. I told her i'd only been with one guy and it was only a few times. She asked me how i met him and i said i met him at uni(kinda a lie. I dont think my mum needs to know about my sex life that much. The guy i referred to is real and we were together briefly and it was a mutual end but we didn't actually have anal sex). She asked about sex and i assured her that i always used a condom and i dont want to put myself in danger so i would never do anything stupid. She then asked if i was the man or the woman in the realtionship (this annoyed me a little but i just let her go) I told her the truth. I've only ever been the man. She also asked why i hadn't told her when she had asked the thousand times before. I told her it was very confusing and i had to be comfortable with myself before i could tell anyone else. She felt a little dissapointed that i took until now to tell her given that i knew she'd be alright with it. I think it was around this point that i started crying. I tried to hide it but my mum knew. I cant remember everything we talked about. She asked me when i had decided and i said you dont decide i just am. She asked me if i had considered suicide and i said never. She told me that she thinks i should see a counseller, not because i have a problem but because i need to talk to someone about my confusions. She pointed out the fact that i'm not really feminine and asked what i felt when i saw someone like W (one half of a gay couple that are family friends) who is over the top gay. She asked me if i had feelings for my friend james and i told her i didn't and that i've never thought about my friends like that. We talked about coming out to my friends and she asked if she could tell her best friend. She asked if i wanted M & W's number so i could talk to them. I said no because i wouldn't know what to talk about. She talked about relationships and it cant just be about sex. Then she asked me if at 70 when i looked back on my life if i would be happy with it and not being able to have my own family. I told her i could still have a family and she said yes but its a lot harder. We talked about predjudice and how it could affect my job chances and life. She talked about gay bashings. I told her i probably wouldn't come out to any of my uni friends. They dont need to know. We talked about coming out to my dad and she said she could tell him but she'd prefer if i did it. She said he was the most reasonable and understanding person in the world. One of the last things she said was that she wasn't ashamed of me and she thinks you're born this way but she was sorry if there was anything that her or my dad had done that had influenced me or made me turn out this way. I told her i was born this way and they were great parents. Then we said goodbye and i told her i loved her.

So i've just stopped crying and my mum just rang again. She said that she just wanted to check if i was alright (probably because if the crying). She said she had told my dad because she didn't think i was up to it now. We talked about some more stuff like telling my 2 little brothers and my sister. I have planned to tell my sister but i think i'll do it tomorrow.

So thats it for now. I'm definately on my way

P.S. I'm meeting phil for the first time tomorrow for our "epic day of epicness" which should be fun. I'll let you know how it goes


  1. hey Tommy, it would have been really hard - feeling vulnerable yet being asked so many questions and having to be rationale throughout the whole conversation. i think u did a perfect job at holding it together - crying doesn't mean u're falling apart. i am glad that this chapter is over for u. have lots of fun tomorrow.


  2. Hi Tommy.

    Your conversation with your mom actually seems to have gone a lot better than it could have. She affirmed that she loves you, and her concerns were mostly about your safety and happiness, which are good signs. Her question about whether you are "the man or the woman in the relationship" shows that she needs some education on gay relationships, but most straight parents do. You were crying because you were emotional, not sad or angry. You took a giant step and handled it well. Feel proud of what you've done, because I feel proud for you too.

  3. wow kiddo. mine happened over the phone too. exactly the same situations as well. crazy stuff aye. i might just write my own down. as i did it over the phone, the only angst was the fact tht she never let me tell her to her face the first time, the phone seemed to be the safeguard. trust that it will be all well. there are still small obstacles (like the education of st8 ppl) but you are safe in that you are standing on your own feet and are independent, its a luxury you should be relieved to have. im sure there is a queer space at uni for you. i go to my one in wollongong and its so good to have, u should look out for one at uni.

  4. As a parent man , even though not all the questions she ask was something she should of ask , she ask because she reaching out and worried for you. Your mom rocks...That was so clear she just want you to be happy and safe and happy , but worried because she knows it is not easy to be gay in this world ... I am glad you did this.. nothing wrong with crying in a way, you are letting go and grieving by coming out and letting go of the old you( the thoughs and ideals of being hated or not accepted ... we are worst foe's) . I wish you nothing but the best ... Think she has said some rock out ideals .. not saying nothing is wrong with you but you are working through a lot .. but I do agree you could use real people that can reach out and touch you support , maybe a glbt support group. Keep going forward Man ...might be something to look in to are not ... Mom's normally know best ...

    Love Lee
    Love Lee

  5. I'm just going to say congrats on coming out and hope you are doing much better.

  6. Hey
    Just wanted to say congrats on coming out to your mum. It is prolly the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Now you invincible...well, within human limits. lol


  7. I don't think that congratulations quite covers it..., but I will offer mine as well. What you did took an incredible amount of courage.

    Welcome to a whole new world my friend...


  8. aww well done man, i havent even come out properly but i know how shocking/weird/sudden/overwhelming it is...

  9. It could have been far worse and although some questions were perhaps a little too personal (She then asked if i was the man or the woman in the realtionship), at least she is genuinrly interested in you and cares.

    I can only see this as a positive move.

    It's great news and you should be proud.

  10. Hello fellow Tom,
    Just came to read your blog after you folowed me and WOW what a mind blower.
    You sound like you handled it really well, and that form what I have read that your parents sound like they are intellignet and understanding,
    I hope that yuour future experieces can be as positive.
    Speak Soon
    Tom of the Jizzt
    Ps i ramble make no sesne and im a little nuts so forgive the above if it makes no sense. LOL

  11. Thanks a lot for sharing your experience!!
    You're Mom is great to be this understanding...
    I wish you the best with the people who are yet to come out to...
    I guess I am on the same path as yours... so I understand how hard and painful it has been.

    If you don't mind, I just posted about what I felt after reading your post:


  12. hey it's good you told her. Is always better when you have your mom on your side.
    I wish my mom would take it like that...

  13. Thanks for all your comments and support guys. It's much appreciated

  14. Awesome T Awesome.... CC


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